man 1 and man 2 thought long and hard what to do.
man 1 went into politics, man 2 did not. everyone contributed to the first man’s wellbeing, and he was happy. man 2 was unemployed, felt useless and that he was.
i may as well, he said, be a sponge, a breadroll or a block of wood, wouldn’t be much of a muchness.
another man came along: same reaction (shook head in disbelief and went).
true creativity is obviously only possible in totalitarian political systems where facial expressions can be ordered and body language prescribed. snip, have tea.
(that last episode did not mention the presence of block of wood; he had been sat on).
always one, the man said, there’s always one. shook his head in disbelief and went away.
yesterday. email, marked urgent and confidential.
fuck sake.
what?
mailbox is full. got to ring the helpdesk.
so, no news for you then.
no.
the decision is, we’ll send a memo around, full of letters font size 12pt, for the visually impaired, and will cater for all other imparities we’ll identify, but will not swear or use improper words such as fuck, suck or cunt, not even in variations such as fcuk, sukk or cnnt.
says sponge and leaves again.
the three protagonists, one after the other.
that was a funny story indeed. we laughed our head off, so we did. gosh all these things to do.
well done. you must be proud.
may you all join me please in welcoming this great achievement.
we had this problem before, with being heard and stuff, didn’t we, said breadroll.
we did, said sponge.
they stalled and did not do anything for the day.
look at this nutshell, herr brekst said, it’s all hollow. that’s what people mean when they say …
we know, said breadroll.
wise words, said sponge, but they will go unheard.
herr brekst: after five minutes she was still there, in her own largeness, nd i was getting worried as she started to sweat and to breathe heavily …
what herr brekst had experienced is know as “persistent guest syndrom” or short perge, which stands for “persistently enduring ridiculous guest experience (perge)”. one of its chief characteristics is the onset of sweat and similiar transpirational results which are likely to cause panic on the other part. the victim becomes gradually aware of the immobility of the obese visitor and begins to envisage its life as … (voice fading and off).
we wanted to start the classical way, the standard opening lines:
that’s interesting, said breadroll.
then we’d move slowly towards the climax:
they are supposed to do that, said sponge, didn’t you get the memo. it was circulated for quite some time.
really, said breadroll.
finally we wanted to end and round the story with a witty but familiar line:
tea anyone, said block of wood, or coffee?
but, alas, we won’t. not today.
herr brekst said: new beginnings have always been my favourite start. let’s see what is in for us today.
did you, said breadroll, see the red socks of the cardinals?
no, said block of wood, and you?
neither, said breadroll, but they do wear them during papal funerals and virginal funferalls.
really, said sponge, is that a fact?
fact and all, a done thing and dusted, said herr brekst, it is great fun to combine things with and. gives them the sense of togetherness and all; and puts them in a context after all.
in the other town a man entered a coffeeshop and ordered tea; but you know yourself: there’s always one: one other man, one other coffee, one other inflatable sheep.
not his best, said sponge.
not at all.
herr brekst: breadroll?
breadroll: herr brekst?
silence. one way or another to end a story.
herr brekst: now. it’s up to me again. the others are still a-zzzzzzz. you know. now. what will i do? what do you think?
here we go, said breadroll:
soso sono sing a song a sing sang
resounding resonging resinging resigning
not just yet (soso sono sing a song a sing sang)
my brai me brain hurts a lot
alotta brayn hurts alotta brian
bri bri bri bran
hurtz hutz and others
now we should find a nation, said breadroll, in need of an anthem. a puppet state or a banana republic. they should be interested enough. what do you think?
the other had gone (before the brayn).
breadroll will sing a song but nobody will listen.
my brain hurts a-lot, said breadroll, but as previously indicated: nobody listened. nobody. listen. not even herr brekst.
sad. alas, a fact.
o jeeze, said sponge, five minutes, that’s all we’ve got.
five, said breadroll, minutes. that’s all?
you did it again, said block of wood.
what, said breadroll.
the ?, said block of wood.
o, said breadroll, my brain hurts, and we’ve waisted another episode.
we should tell people the time, said block of wood.
we’ve started didn’t we, said sponge, time’s up.
a number of cycles populate the street — bi tri and quattro — which was the most reportable event so far.
29 April, 2005 