block of wood has finished a little song (akk noo walla k thhr ff). silence. into the silence bursts breadroll. this squarepants character, he says, is he anyhow familiar or related?
don’t know him, sponge says hastily and starts picking crumbs off the slice.
that’s all.
to produce an episode, even an unfunny one, said sponge, phew, tokktokk, tough with double-ff.
impossible today let’s face it, said breadroll, right?
right; so much for that, said sponge.
we should send brekst, said breadroll.
to do what, said block of wood.
to find out, said sponge.
we surely should definitely send brekst, said breadroll, even if he returns with a poem.
that wouldn’t be good, said block of wood.
somebody has to find out, said breadroll.
agreed, said sponge to add a sense of seriousness and commitment to the ending.
nah neither today we can’t errr, couldn’t, said sponge, if we wanted to. honestly, couldn’t if you’d paid us.
it was a fine morning, the sun hidden behind clouds, hence not too bright, no birds screaming either, a nice and pale grey morning; all set for an episode.
impossible, said breadroll, could not bring myself to do it. neither could block of wood; isn’t that right?
correct, said block of wood.
we were supposed to do it today, said sponge, meant to do it actually; but no, we can’t, not today.
just like that, said breadroll, hugged sponge and put on a grin.
highly uncouth. they meandered, cunningly. watch your steps, can’t you. they didn’t wait for an answer.
did we follow, said sponge.
to the corner, said breadroll, then we lost track.
track, said block of block spontaneously.
we ought to follow up and down, said sponge.
everybody knew that. the corner shop had brought eggs, rolls and butter. end of story.
there is an option, said breadroll, the episode being somewhere within creyer faltics or the likes or works.
there is an option, said breadroll, to supersize the breakfast.
really, said breadroll, why don’t we follow up on that?
tandaradei tsts daa iii, said breadroll without any motivation. he also said it without intention. i did not mean to do it, he would later say when questioned and challenged, but for the moment he remained silent.
and action, voice-over said. nobody moved.
action, voice-over again.
we’ll never get anywhere, said sponge, if we carry on like this. even if we don’t: it is debatable.
and today, said sponge.
today, said breadroll.
today is, said sponge and exhaled noisily.
is what, said block of wood.
a particularily tedious day, said sponge, repetitious.
is it the one, said breadroll.
it is, said block of wood. guessing.
the day that occurs every week, said sponge.
now, said breadroll.
we’ve got to act, said sponge.
now, said block of wood.
they’ve caught us cold, said sponge.
with our pants down, said breadroll.
literally, herr brekst said.
i suppose we’ll either find a way to decrypt it or we’ll leave it altogether, said sponge.
that’s a plan, said breadroll.
am i on for the punchline, said block of wood.
there is none, said breadroll, today. not even a witty last sentence.
i suppose, said sponge, we’ll have to see …
and that is about it for today.
i would not want to be a scone. would you want to be a scone?
who wants to be a scone?
nobody i know, said breadroll.
so, said breadroll, what are we going to do now?
well, said sponge. i suppose, he said.
that’ll be a while, said breadroll.
i think so, said block of wood.
they had tea and scones.
it is encrypted, said sponge.
what? (wot, watt?)
the episode, for copy and other right reasons.
o dear.
did he say somebofy, said breadroll.
i think so, said sponge, but that’s beside the point. we have an episode to present.
no story? i thought it is a story, said breadroll, a chapter or a pisode.
it is an episode, said sponge, a smaller pisode, so to speak. let’s think about it.
let’s have a look, said breadroll.
even that, said sponge.
fine, said breadroll.
exactly, said sponge, how can we end this dialogue.
don’t know, said breadroll, do you?
no, said sponge, it must be a trick.
we shall practice, as we were advised, said sponge, until our backsides come off.
ouh, said breadroll, that happened to me once. i felt quite unbalanced.
the same time:
herr brekst said, i came to speak to somebody.
two utterly unrelated events, only the form they were reported suggests a connection. only suggests.
three events, to be exact. one didn’t happen.
actually, none of this happened, all imagined. the title is incorrect.
can’t do much, not much to do.
go down to the river. noy much to do. not much on: nothing. it’s a bank holiday.
they said this in an email, said sponge, i got recently. things people say, i don’t believe a word for a minute.
that’s it, don’t go down to the river, the banks are off.
they found bits of the lost episode, said sponge.
who lost it anyway, said breadroll.
some poor sod, said sponge. herr brekst has written a poem to mark the occasion.
herr brekst, please.
sod
mod
cod
three words with different meanings but
words in any case
but
butt
bud
andso onanon
eyeye shell finfish
on a leather stage
nice, said breadroll, this one.
(alternate ending for this episode: the three white men return as the second white has forgotten something. a brief discussion starts and ends. the three white men leave as nothing has been found.)
sponge, breadroll and block of wood seated on the chairs, hands tied to the back, ungagged.
aren’t we, said sponge.
supposed to, said breadroll.
look for, said block of wood, and then a brief pause.
the lost episode, i wonder, said sponge.
lights on, gradually. chairs, table, yucca tree, white men.
sponge, breadroll and block of wood seated on the chairs, hands tied to the back, gagged.
first white man: now.
second white man: you do it.
third white man: you. it’s your show.
first white man: do what?
second white man: the talking. it’s your show.
third white man: exactly.
first white man: it’s their show.
second white man: i forgot. we’re out.
third white man: we should ungag them then.
first white man: that would help.
30 June, 2005 