spo. nge. ch-ch-ch-ch.
bre. adroll. ads no ads. spam bhamwham. roll roll roll.
blo, blo, blo blo. ck o. f. woo. d of wwo. ed. bow.
who c. ould. s. ould:
resist. t. t. t. t. br. ekst. kst. st. t.
[drinking game; halt whenever you come to a fullstop and have a sip. refill glass at colon.]
the man who had had a hat went swimming in the sea one day. on his way to the beach he found a coin. after his swim he went to town and bought a new hat but not with the coin he had found as this would not have been enough.
that seems exciting enough, herr brekst said, we should have a jar or two to mark to occasion, maybe three.
done, said sponge.
today, said block of wood, we could do something special inmidst the regularities.
yes, said sponge, we could.
why don’t we, said breadroll.
a discussion followed, which was rather very unspectacular.
room. yucca tree. the usual. fat woman in the corner, sitting, covered with a bed sheet.
we should hang out for a while, said sponge, have a break, get away from it all. (points at woman) do we know who she came to talk to?
no, said block of wood, but i got rather friendly with her.
you talk to her then, said sponge, shall we uncover her?
no, said block of wood, we shan’t.
that’s a swell word to use, said sponge, shan’t.
isn’t it just, said block of wood, and so is swell. a swell word.
there we go, said sponge, and swell isn’t a shan’t word.
you should not, said block of wood, accept clear instructions. the clearer they are the lesser they are tought through. take my word for it. no. don’t. don’t take my word. try for yourself. it is only an advice. i’m only advising, not suggesting anything. it’s only a job for me.
it’s hot in here, the fat woman said.
i see, said block of wood.
in was indeed hot in the room with the yucca tree: while block of wood do not sweat fat women do religiously, as do fat men. other do to, however, they are not worth mentioning for the moment.
would you collect sweat in cavities and clefts, said block of wood.
i would love to, the fat woman said, but senior management wants me to have visible drops on forehead and upper lip. the scripts for this and other episodes are equally certain on the subject.
you should have stopped after upper lip, that would have been a punch line and a clear statement, something nice and round to finish the episode. we have to do with the usual now.
they had tea.
arse, herr brekst said while block of wood — unaware of herrn brekst’s presence — was searching for a way to keep the conversation going, in any case, or should i say, anyway better than arsenic. that’s is a trivial insight. the little lad from next door said that. he is stupid but in his age it’s called cute. (long protracted silence). anyway. better than some things.
(repeat last line ad lib).
i heard you were still waiting outside.
yes i am, the fat woman said, i just couldn’t be arsed.
that’s amazing, said block of wood, i feel the same way every now and then.
what about meggabus, said block of wood, but the naming party had been postponed — scheduled to continue in due course — and block of wood was alone with the fat woman.
saggapuss is a nice name, said breadroll and sniggered.
between sagga and saba’a is a mile of a difference, said sponge.
that’s true, said breadroll, as well as between sagga and sock.
sun up, sky on; a perfect setting for a new day.
i am ready as far as i am concerned, said block of wood, to meet a fat lady.
woman, said breadroll.
woman, said block of wood.
whatever happened to the fat lady, breadroll said eventually.
no idea, said sponge, still there perhaps.
who did she want to talk to anyway, said breadroll.
have no idea, said sponge, surely we have a policy for that.
why don’t we just ask her?
very unprofessional. what if you ask and it wasn’t you she’s looking for? you talked to her without her wanting to talk to you.
that would not be good.
not good no.
a matter of policy.
exactly.
that’s done.
sponge, breadroll and block of wood wanted to go on holidays but that’s a different story.
if you think the story so far — with a view to its unspectacular ending — is not funny we can assure you that it was neither intended nor designed to be funny.
different story altogether.
the day kick-started; speedy, sunny, utterly dynamic and with the power to innovate: the early bird teaches the worm.
a sunny morning. breadroll, sponge and block of wood had to think what to say to mark the occasion but could not come up with anything. aggregate, innovate, promulgate, said the voice on the radio in order to further the sales of a certain product.
sponge also had a few with the next door neighbour, a renown suburbian drinker and social benefit dogder; the neighbour was also infamous for his stories that had no beginning, plot or proper ending — like this episode for instance.
sponge had a glass of lager in front of him; a shock it was, he said, when this big episode was found in the drawer.
the lost episode?
no, not the lost one, just some greaseballs mind child. they should not accept submissions of people out there. consumers are evil.
we’ll end our interview soon.
now.
it is a lump of an episode today, wet and tough, drags on for eons and a bit.
i don’t know, said sponge; breadroll said nothing and block of wood was absent.
was it a good report, said sponge, comments.
tit for tat, said breadroll.
agreed, said block of wood.
it was a long morning; and they struggled to keep busy.
shouldn’t he be back, said breadroll.
maybe they are at his, said sponge so he’d be a while.
you shouldn’t even think that, said block of wood, it’s so negative.
true, said sponge, we start again.
shouldn’t he be back soon, said breadroll.
(can he just change the opening line, said block of wood.
i think so, said sponge, he’s a senior at this stage.)
shortly, said sponge.
how soon is that, said breadroll.
soon, said sponge.
29 July, 2005 