and when he drawer is still locked, said breadroll.
jammed, said block of wppd, should be fine.
jammed then, said breadrool, you have been typoed.
so have you, said block of wood.
a draw, said breadroll.
today was not the first time they did not notice their porridge being reduced to cinder on the cooker.
having the presenter as an inflatable object — the only state he could be restored into after the assault — was clearly an advantage at night-time when the studio was to be cleared and the presenter could be tucked away in a drawer but this morning the drawer appeared to be jammed.
i could have guessed when i saw the headline. — i was actually lucking forward to more biting questions, said breadroll.
they are rather queries i think, said block of wood.
q: deliver.
a: offer.
q: provide.
a: focus.
q: build.
a: enhance.
q: encourage.
i knew it would happen, said breadroll, anagram. what we waited for.
did we, said block of wood.
no.
annabloom?
no.
block of wood would not get away with it this time. all these good words now, none of them could change it. ——
an inquiry with a view of getting special consultants in at a later stage was launched to thoroughly investigate the matter before these consultants could be involved but after a shile everyone got very confused and the whole case was dropped. one agreed, however, to issue a stern warning.
q: that was an unnecessary display of of violence in the morning fnnn zwooook if i may say so hotokk mooo uill.
i enjoyed the publicity, said block of wood, even though i personally detest violence. —— brutality yes, violence no. it is that simple if we all work together.
a: i advice you not to ask for music again, song jingle anything.
q: the aversion towardssss music, is that a new trait fnnnn? the presenter has a little white drop of spittle on his upper lips when he speaks.
the presenter announces a further song and the following happens:
block of wood turns into his ultra-violent alter ego and the presenter will have his head smashed in (badly), his heart cut out (a marble), his liver removed (about time) and his bottom roasted by blokk..
q: fnnn fnnnn fnn fnnnn?
a: i know you want to provoke me to burst into a song but i’m not that type of celebrity at all.
usual setting, usual surroundings, usual sounds, usual steps to take to get were one should.
q: so, what do you make of it all, what do you think?
a: i’m glad you asked.
sponge leans back, has a drop of water from his glass.
any professional would tell you that, he says.
q: and you spell professional with only one eff?
a: and two ess, definitely. — that in my view is the best way to approach the issue, which admittedly is a hot topic, without losing one’s focus and vision but at th same time not lettign anything come in your way if you know what i’m saying.
a large commercial enters the room. don’t worry about me, says the commercial, i’m on a break.
presenter looks deranged, derailed and crooked
q: a fat man, very large, ended up sitting beside me this morning on the train.
interupting a: a fat woman by any chance?
q: no, certainly a fat man.
a: what a shame.
meanwhile outside:
a shame indeed, ladies and gentlemen, said breadroll, we missed her by a syllable.
today in lights of the day, i mentioned it earlier, we present sponge of breadroll, sponge and block of wood with our queries. but now for some music in between today.
[some music you can imagine]
tough, said breadroll, i’d love to show my bit now and say it.
that, said block of wood, would be. he leaves us guessing.
today in lights of the day we present sponge of breadroll, sponge and block of wood with our queries.
q: what keeps you going all day?
a: simple things. things like the difference between ginger tea and green tea for example.
q: which is?
a: ginger tea does not contain gin but green tea is indeed green.
q: ish.
a: ish, precisely.
can we skip this now, said sponge. i know we did this before and i know that it is the oldest trick in the booklet but it is not as old if you consider that we just recently came up with it.
and if you call it auld trick you’ll have the benefit of tradition and nostalgia. breadroll had said that.
what are, said sponge, you doing?
counting, said breadroll, sheep backwards; to wake me up.
nifty, said sponge.
my secret weapon, said breadroll.
short dialogue. done.
says sponge: it won’t be much today. nothing has been scheduled and a lot has been forgotten abput; it all should have been planned and therefore there is not much today.
two chairs, yucca tree; radio on
so, when is everybody coming?
we are not waiting for anyone.
i see.
why the honour of email?
to mark the end of the wit awareness week.
i did not not it was on.
me neither. but it worked out well didn’t it?
as if we had practised it.
they had tea.
well now, said sponge, it’s time to summarise. i’ve sent you all an email about it.
did you, said block of wood.
i did, said sponge, how nice of me.
too tired to get up the three chose a different narrative style:
should we call each other names?
to stay in tune with the title we really should wait until it get a little bit brighter outside.
we should have gone outside. you’re absolutely right about that.
bloob. blobb. blobb. bloob. porridge. rigidly porridge. that’s all we have these days, said sponge.
not true, said breadroll, we have jam, butter, cheese, sausages, eggs, chocolate.
but no porridge, said block of wood.
no porridge, said breadroll.
and toast, said block of wood.
how could i forget toast, said breadroll, tell me how could i?
some people are not good at anything, said breadroll, at least they try, although it sometimes would be better they they wouldn’t.
he held a candle for no apparent reason and was very aware of that fact.
a candle to remember things, he said. fat woman or fat lady, for example, man or mouse, with regard to episode featuring the former, lions led by donkeys, in case we do something in that area. as you see our future plans are vision-packed. we ourselves are viewer-focussed, and all that should please the audience.
so, said sponge, you thought it should be a cushion and breadroll thought it was a hat.
that’s right, said block of wood.
and breadroll, said sponge, wanted it to be a pillow.
cushion, i think, yes, said block of wood.
that’s mad, said sponge.
it was a pillow after all, said block of wood and took off the hat. —— i am back, he said. no answer. i am back.
yucca tree, two chair: the stage was empty.
in other words: he was alone
the world is a stage, said block of wood, we’ll talk to the audience.
31 October, 2005 