it would be bad if it was more than that, said bread, wouldn’t it? a sucker for assurance but not a salesman is sight when you need them.
block of wood, drumming his belly: we’ve got rolls. that was a bit off topic.
metamorphosis is the name of a stage illusion invented by mohn nemmel mascerpon, but most often associated with famous magician and escape artist hairy breadnut, and performed to some renown (for speed) by the pee dragons, among many others of course, said sponge. it’ll be over soon.
now look at this, said bread, bloody hell. i woke up and the roll was gone, would you believe? should i call the priest or the therapist or the gp or the police, so many options for help i don’t know where people would get an idea of despair from. just a metamorphosis that’s all.
i feel dry, said breadroll with a sweet’n'sour smile.(wipe that grin, thought blokk off the record).
yes, all dry and dreary (lacking in liveliness or charm or surprise) but well sorted otherwise.
like puked milk, said blockk and jabbed a knife laden with lard into breadroll, a roar from tape to besound the lot.
we now cover up the orgy of brutality that we were glad to mention.
yesterday, the man said, yesterday over 34509 toilets were flushed in moscow alone. i take quite an interest in the amount of toilets being flushed, that’s why i notice these things.
sponge looked at breadroll who had his broader side buttered; that was his way to unwind which firstly was untimely and secondly made a useful discussion on the subject, ahh well whatever, said sponge.
what a day they will say when it will end tonight, said sponge, but there is some time until then.
we won’t get far with only one stick.
no?
never.
bummer. i was hoping to.
what?
nothing. i suppose one can’t be witty all the time.
no. one cannot.
he held a small greenish stick in the air. this is, said sponge, a cucumber stick. not a carrot stick of course, not as fancy, but nonetheless a stick and better than nothing. it can be dipped in mayonnaisse or any other gooey substance that sticks to objects.
we broke his heart, said sponge and realised a lack of short term memory. who am i talking about, he said, is it the mysterious man in the café on the other end of town? is it?breadroll made a face. hope we didn’t cause any mess.
no no. no mess. all clean.
because if we had caused a mess, we would need to clean and could not sit and talk sociably.
no, we could not.
they had caused a considerable mess which, howerver, had been swept under the carpet and hence could be neglected.
we should come up with something for the day, said sponge.
that shmock, sad block of wood. he had read this word in a novel and drew great pleasure from using it: shmock. he said it when sponge entered the room together with an unknown man. hi, said the man and extended his hand to have it shaken. tea, said block of wood and ignored the hand.
hi, said the man. his name is will, said sponge to block of wood, i met his outside. he needs to relax a little bit more but i think he’s alright.
will he stay, said block of wood, and the man replied, will, that’s me. i’m here to tell you about the free children of cod further and his son chippers spiced.
free, said block of wood, are you sure?
will was absolutely sure, he said there was no doubt about it, one would have to trust him on that and one would not be disappointed if one had the guts or grace to follow him.
nobody would. a disappointing day. — what a day indeed.
and now? what now, they said. quietness. all seemed confused, no moves. i thought we were guided, said breadroll, so why are we bored?
we now know that we are controlled, said sponge.
and therefore, said breadroll.
we are able to approach things, said block of wood, in a more controlled manner as we would have before the beans were spilled and and the news broken. a shame you call that?
why do you speak funny, said breadroll.
i thought, said sponge, respect for religious groupings would command this. particualrily when restricted phone use is part of it. i just want to make a point.
or draw a line, said breadroll.
i think i take out my phone, said sponge.
i tend to object, said a man, most assertively, i assumed doing something with phones was not the same as taking out one’s phone and hence have to decline. the latter usually invites texts being sent for no reason to the unsuspecting victim briefing it of answers to questions that never had been asked.
i think i open up a spreadsheet and have it all in front of me on the computer, said sponge and did so. he stared at a conglomerate of numbers he could not figure out and acted utterly unupset about not having been told about the spreadsheet’s existence. fullstop.
whatever you say or do or think of doing or saying, do it or say it or think of doing or saying it with great care and in an educated manner as a phone is no toy.
did we agree on doing something with phones, said breadroll.
on phones, said sponge. we maybe using them so we do something with them on them.
was that agreed, said block of wood.
exactly: subject to further discussions.
see, told you, said sponge, we should do something about phones.
you wanted to say fones, said breadroll, because it’s groovier. i think so, too, by the way.
i tried, said sponge, but the spell check picked up on it. but i don’t think it’s groovier. gruuvier maybe, but not the other thing.
aggressive?
no. the other thing.
i give up ,said breadroll and had tea. as usual.
as usual, said sponge who hated his comments being anticipated. the writer could fake it he thought, but no avail. we could have a power meeting to discuss it, he said. they all had left.
my phone will take care of that, said sponge, my phone will ring on time. with a phone like this i’m sorted, i really am.
and sorted he was, it was perfectly right for him to say so; having signed up with the company in order to receive this phone along with regular updates and occasional upgrades and to be on the list, in the know and out of trouble was the best thing he had done in a long while.
the best thing i did in a long while, said sponge, the others are thinking of signing up, too.
is this it, said sponge again, sponge said again more so, and inhaled noisily. he’s holding his breath now, explained breadroll for those who thought to have missed exhalation, it’ll be soon. but it never came.
no, the man said, a different man this time, we have to pull the plug first, something we currently contemplate doing.
- to contemplate
-
- look at thoughtfully; observe deep in thought; “contemplate one’s navel orange”
- consider as a possibility; “i have always contemplated leaving school and taking up the art of art forgery. well that would have been swell. can you see me there, in the world of arts? can you? i certainly can. there’s always a possiblility.”
- study: think intently and at length, as for spiritual purposes; “he is meditating in his sleep”
- chew over: reflect deeply on a subject; “i forgot about the events of the afternoon”; “philosophers have speculated on the question of food for thousands of years”; “the artist must stop to observe and start to observe”. fullstop.
make it so.
exactly, said sponge, the free channel, that’s what we stanf dor.
thought we would notice? thought we think everyone has a spellcheck these days so i must be meant to? nah, no such thought. that what we stand for. unpaired goals. you must have an email about it.
i have developed a thing with it but i love to be cc-ed in, certainly.
and if i bcc-ed you in?
not now you see but let’s txt.
and another whirls the dust, said sponge and folded the paper. egg in his face. named and shamed as a terrorist. extraordinary rendition, the works.
he shouldn’t have bought the cheap type of ruckskack, said breadroll, that made him suspicious. could you pass me the butter.
shall i spread it, said block of wood.
no, said breadroll, did they blow him up?
yep, said sponge, full blast. you can book it on pay-tv if you want.
nah, said breadroll, i’ll watch it when it’s out on the free channel.
chumchums we are, said sponge, as to emphasise what i pointed out previously. a certain fatigue has snked in and we are set to tackle it err it. for modernists we even throw in a few letter combinations. speeeeetch iz ze trigger off zet ohl fnnnnn.
in all fair- and rroundness, said breadroll, pass the fat butteer. ze yellow wan. pls.
iz ze gutt ze brott, said sponge. whensa the germann accento gonnah endh. we’re going on slippy slippers wearing slips only sense-of-humour-wise.
that’s alright, said sponge, somebody is goinck to come.
we are chums, said sponge and breadroll: no, chaps.
this disagreement, the way things were, would have called for smacks but due to today’s seating arrangements they could not reach each other as their arms were too short.
the man did not wipe the grin off his face. on the kisser, thought blokk but even he had to admit: people who feel uncomfortable sport a forced smile, it is that simple, and brutality won’t do the trick. it’s all about money. brutality yes, violence no, that’s the important thing; it is that simple i’ve been saying it all along. but that’s me.
the man did not move until his appointment arrived. he then got up. speedily as we observed, kissed hello, waved goodbye and left. ceased grinning as we just talk to each other, that simple. next thing to do. brutal.
and that is where it all ends, the man said and closed the book. he maintained the smile until the cameras were off and then resorted into his usual seeking-employment, starved of love and life type of look, a subspecies of grin albeit without the jolly aspects. overrated as lowrate he felt uncomfortable. people who feel uncomfortable sport a forced smile. it is that simple. they are good sports and spare us their pain.
sponge begged to pardon but no avail. the episode was over. over. not only a breadroll is saying that. sometimes we all agree.
31 March, 2006 
