you’ve got mail:

dear colleague,
despite popular opinion no breathing contest will be held at these premises anytime soon.
also a smoking contest is not planned in the near future.
we may add that in our humble opinion pointing at alleged or proven idiots should not be considered an acceptable distraction for lunchbreaks and hence we do wish you to stop calling for any competition of that kind going forward, now and in the near future.
should you have any questions please do not hesitate to send them to the undersigned for further review.
thank you for your cooperation and kind regards
sports&social club

sponge was very disappointed to hear the news, having submitted only modest proposals. block of wood and breadroll almost immediately broke out in tears as the proposals were family friendly. they later had a meeting to discuss which reaction should be deemed more appropriate.