brekst is not an easy man to go

i have another one, brekst said, and brekst read out:

feel embarrassment when joining her in bedroom?
forget the feeling, become her best partner ever!
we know what’s needed for your case.
natural hardness and boosted drive.

that’s so natural, one of the bystanders said.
o shut up, said sponge, what do you know?
the bystander, a mother of two, was disgusted and left. poetry does have o struggle in this country, brekst knew to add.

man and woman

offally. of all counties. sounds girlie. and wholesome. like porridge, a girlie thing of a breakfast, said sponge. nothing like the black stuff. with a foamy head in a tiny cup. that’s the spirit that drove europeans to set out and infuse the world with a spirit of blood and bondage.
jawell you’re losing the plot quite a bit, said breadroll, and there’s nothing wrong with porridge actually, it’s british. stop slapping minorities would you.

offally. porridge. oiland. a tendency to slag off minorities is somewhat rather obvious and we tend to apologise appropriately. in the meantime we wish you all the lick necessary to change this very miserable bit of life of you lead and wish all of you a very good morning.

the man once more

the man was a father of two from offally.
offally?
yes.
a father of two, surprised he was not shot.
fathers of two usually die in car crashes. they are rarely assaulted and hardly ever shot. the armed forces don’t really care about them.
sponge would have liked a turnip, not a turnip maybe, some other root, an apple, which isn’t a root at all, or a piece of toast but there was only breadroll.

the man

the man you mentioned, said sponge.
ow, you listened, said breadroll.
the man, said sponge, was not by any chance the man that came once in a while to say something.
no, said breadroll, the was just an innocent passer-by; surprisingly he wasn’t killed by anyone.

fi fo fat man

he looks sad, said breadroll. he emphasised sad.
he sure does, said block of wood.
it’s the hamburgers, said sponge, they love to be eaten, marginally tasty but very fattening.
so that’s what’s wrong with him, said breadroll.
no, said sponge, it’s just that nobody likes him.

meet the man

i think i take out my phone, said sponge.
i tend to object, said a man, most assertively, i assumed doing something with phones was not the same as taking out one’s phone and hence have to decline. the latter usually invites texts being sent for no reason to the unsuspecting victim briefing it of answers to questions that never had been asked.
i think i open up a spreadsheet and have it all in front of me on the computer, said sponge and did so. he stared at a conglomerate of numbers he could not figure out and acted utterly unupset about not having been told about the spreadsheet’s existence. fullstop.

what the unknown man is likely to think

soccer, said herr brekst, sucker. smørrebrøb err –brød. that’s what every other lad wants.
we were so very delighted to see herr brekst safe and sound albeit somewhat clinically depressed that we did not challenge him on his latest statement. what did he come for anyway?

why elderly men wearing baseball caps sometimes have strong body odour

if there is one thing i love to do than it’ll be to reek like a rookie. there is nothing like it. the reasoning about reeking and rank and retirement makes the odour turn sour, the very substance that on the rookie’s mildly bulging body loiters and lingers as the bad news -for some- that it is, that substance or subs as insiders or ins as they call themselves usually call it that later will turn out to be the undercoat of your presence, that smell of butter gone sour and vapourising beer.
sponge was in a position to achieve this state and in that state he triumphantly glazed over his collegues. what a waste of words as none and not one were listening. he will have to repeat this shit.

white men again

do you realise, the first white man said, we are here again.
indeed, the second white man said, how come?
how long to go until the end of the episode, the third white man said.
not long but that’s beside the point. we wanted to spend time with our corner sheep. quality time for quality men. the first white man had tea. we even have tea, he said, breadrolls would be fine, too.

three men announcing

so, the first white man said, it is us.
today, the second white man said.
only today, the third white man said, it is that we do the episode for sponge and crowd.
that’s that now, the first white man said, the episode. over.

a man named fishburger

a man named fishburger came and stayed only briefly. he left before lunch without notice.

© the Book of Sponge and Others.