if you don’t know what to say say something

distinction rather than extinction, said sponge, is what our company is after. i’ve chosen those words carefully yet there are weaknesses in detail. he looked around the everexpanding room. breadroll sat on a chair that once had been near the middle of the room. why does this room have to grow bigger every minute, he said, i can’t here you. can we not have ideas of our own? in russia rooms used to expand, it happened once, but here?
ah well, said sponge, people don’t know that bit about russia, not many people.

i told you we have to wait

another repetitive day, breadroll asked.
no, said sponge, it must be a trick. you asked for it, said breadroll. i think we had exactly the same episode before, he said. feck off. piss off. swear words. dirty language. lead your outlets to propel you further. good british ways of telling some-one to bugger off.
let your droplets propel you further, very elegant.
outlets, they said, it’s outlets.
i know, code for droplets. trust me.
they waited.

fate will not fail you

look, over there, said sponge and pointed. the innocent bystander. he’s going to get himself killed i bet. look, and he’s innocent.
not a baby though, said breadroll.
while being stared at and expecting to be asked for change or cigarettes the innocent bystander kept on going about his business in a clumsy, bystanderish way; eventually was killed during a possibly unrelated incident.

an egg he said won’t do you no harm

have one, he said, or two you may take, too. won’t do you no harm nor will it anyone else. egg really makes me feel bloated, said sponge, i must decline, it’s not because of the colesterol. and it will harm others i’m afraid. children particularily will suffer. in trenches or not, no difference.

so say just for the fun would you like to have sex with me

the next joke will be a fart joke and it will mention the war, children will be harmed and there will be great disaster. we may ask for your help and support. but we will be fine after all. that is a promise. you can take that as a pledge, of sorts. we just need some understanding. some excitement. we need your trust to the point where we need you to actually rely on us.
breadroll never had a thing for cheap beer but rarely found shops that had anything on offer but.

so you say without a shop how to accomplish actually

i had to do this line, said breadroll, and now i am trying to defuse the argument. my best.
well who says you are the understanding one, said sponge, i was a person when you were still a breakfast item and it wasn’t a breakfeast if i’m allowed a pun.
that i’m aware of, said breadroll, i think you’re not exaggerating, so, shall we skip it it?
ya why not, said sponge, that leaves us with a bare feeding occasion. if you get the gist.
barely, but steadily, said breadroll, bare feeding occasion. is that what they call it in english?
no, but they would need a shop to get stuff.

would you believe a fishburger

a man came running, bolted around the corner and was gone in no time. the man had been naked, his pasty-white skin had left an impression.
you would not believe who that was, said breadroll.
no, said sponge, i wouldn’t.

meaning, cowboy, that is when you pay for the drinks

meaning, known what it is all about wanting to you must be, my words, marksman, said sponge.
not know i whot thy spaketh, said soldier said, quath ye thinket m’sarge?
sergeant sarge, never too sure whether being addressed properly or slagged on the sly, pretended to look out for potential primary target, his back to the private, while trying to find his line. i know son, he said eventually and turned slightly, tis bleedingly hard hardship spoken mili’tree spake tis foe sure. meaning seeking is of ours and if thous expect shouting and shanting fear not you shall as us eat with knifes and forks us use.
jolly good, said sponge.

whatever you do or think or say

whatever you say or do or think of doing or saying, do it or say it or think of doing or saying it with great care and in an educated manner as a phone is no toy.
did we agree on doing something with phones, said breadroll.
on phones, said sponge. we maybe using them so we do something with them on them.
was that agreed, said block of wood.
exactly: subject to further discussions.

more brutality you should say

can you hear me. blokk was in the shouting phase of his rage special. he know over the lamp. you can’t, bollocks.
we have to knock him off soon.
yes. it’s getting repetitive, said breadroll, how about a poem?
brekst? nah. we really should do something with …
let’s discuss it.
power meeting?
no. mower peating?
sounds good.

would you say this again

idiot, said block of wood, for revealing today’s big line already yesterday.
and you lied, said breadroll, as he’s not saying it after all.
not if he says it again, said sponge.
i won’t said block of would.
that’s that solved. they went about their business.

a new day before you know it

a brief description of the scene’s static elements, followed a series of fnnnnnnns and …
q: but how do you do it? cohesive correlations of contra countercohesion seems to be a rather complex matter that you nonetheless master without problems at all.
a: that’s right.
q: our viewers certainly would be interested in that matter.
a: arent’t they always, the nosy buggers.
q: brown nosers.
a: curious cacs.
further description of the scene’s static elements as well as states of the dynamic ones.

if you think that was witty think again

bloob. blobb. blobb. bloob. porridge. rigidly porridge. that’s all we have these days, said sponge.
not true, said breadroll, we have jam, butter, cheese, sausages, eggs, chocolate.
but no porridge, said block of wood.
no porridge, said breadroll.
and toast, said block of wood.
how could i forget toast, said breadroll, tell me how could i?

but when you ask it obviously will end in disaster

sponge: that caught me cold.
breadroll: what? it is obvious me asking that so not might sound a bit boring.
sponge: obviously. they did not bother putting the yucca tree out. see —- [points, no tree, obviously] ——– and i’ve been told to shut up and not go on about it.
breadroll: right.
sponge: what’ll we do now?

another effort carny folk if you want to be republicans

still holding a cutlet and some sausages in one hand and a mixer in the other plus some added cocktail sauce, sponge says: splatter without blood is nothing at all fer sake; and pours a pint of stage blood on the stage. get this: stage blood on stage, as if it was made for it. mad action all together.

good if you could

nah neither today we can’t errr, couldn’t, said sponge, if we wanted to. honestly, couldn’t if you’d paid us.
it was a fine morning, the sun hidden behind clouds, hence not too bright, no birds screaming either, a nice and pale grey morning; all set for an episode.
impossible, said breadroll, could not bring myself to do it. neither could block of wood; isn’t that right?
correct, said block of wood.

can’t ya cunt

we were supposed to do it today, said sponge, meant to do it actually; but no, we can’t, not today.
just like that, said breadroll, hugged sponge and put on a grin.
highly uncouth. they meandered, cunningly. watch your steps, can’t you. they didn’t wait for an answer.

not everyone’s watching you

a breadcrust and a washed-out bottle of beer lingered on, the rest had gone home — a long time ago. this was the impression last night had given and this morning supported.
we should do something with poetry, said sponge, should set the leftovers in a more favourable light.
that would do good, said breadroll.
should we bother entertaining, said sponge.
let’s go, said breadroll.
otherwise, a few blocks down the road a man had mounted his bicycle and was about to take off when he remembered he had forgotten his coat. that would have been a bit of a chill factor, he said. for a second he regretted not having to have anyone to tell the funny incident when he almost took off without his coat ut remembered in time. he cycled on then.

perhaps you can give me an update

and, said breadroll, you certainly heard something in that direction?
what do you mean, said sponge.
not the, said breadroll, other direction?
i think, said block of wood, he means because of your asymmetrical ears, because they are asymmetrical, it may have been some other direction, perhaps.
or a different direction, said breadroll.
i see, said sponge.
what about your eyes, said breadroll.

tribe, you and all

a tribunal, said sponge.
indeed, said breadroll.
so, you’re back, said block of wood, didn’t expect you around for a while. not for a while anyway.
i find you guys amusing, said silence, what are you up yo?
not much, said breadroll, i asked for a tribunal.
those tribes are so 20th century, said silence, mimicing is it these days, as in me and youscum.
oh, said breadroll, tusculum.
also a very nice word, said silence.
they stared at a little piece of gravel right beside the sheep.

go on i dare you

the way, said sponge, did not turn out to be as bendy as we anticipated, we should adjust our forecast, and generally speaking we are making good progress…
excellent progress, said breadroll.
excellent progress, that’s right, thank you, and we all are more than well prepared for putting one foot ahead of the other. i am aware that this may be seen as a bit of a challenge, however, i am also confident that we will master this challenge – even though the training could have been better.
blokk beat sponge, and sponge beat breadroll – for the sake of it.
after briefly discussing the reasons for aforementioned activities they continued on their way, step step.

© the Book of Sponge and Others.